When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.
It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.
I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.
Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.