With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

I used everything you gave me.