With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.

When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.