It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted.

The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.

Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.

Housework can kill you if done right.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.