It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.

I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.