Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.

Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.

Laugh now, cry later.

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.