Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

He who laughs.....lasts.

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.