The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.