I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.

As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

A small waist makes you tire easily.

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.