When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.

God created man, but I could do better.

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

Laugh now, cry later.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?