In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'