In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.