Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.