Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

The term 'working mother' is redundant.

Success is outliving your failures

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.