I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

God created man, but I could do better.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.