Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

I have finally mastered what to do with the second tennis ball. Having small hands, I was becoming terribly self-conscious about keeping it in a can in the car while I served the first one. I noted some women tucked the second ball just inside the elastic leg of their tennis panties. I tried, but found the space already occupied by a leg. Now, I simply drop the second ball down my cleavage, giving me a chest that often stuns my opponent throughout an entire set.

Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.