Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.