The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it...and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.