My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.