For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.