Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood.

Housework can kill you if done right.

Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.