Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood.

Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.

Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.