Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.