Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

For some unexplained reason, it's always the other end of the table that's wild and raucous, with screaming laughter and a fella who plays 'Holiday for Strings' on water glasses.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.