Do I have to use my own money?

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.

My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.