As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.

Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.