As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?