I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying "Open!" was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.

Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.

Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.