I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

A small waist makes you tire easily.

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.

When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.