I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.

It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.