If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.

Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.

Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?