I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.