One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.