One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?