When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.