How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.

With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.