Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
God created man, but I could do better.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.