Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.