Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.