When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.

Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.

Laugh now, cry later.