I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so.

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

For some unexplained reason, it's always the other end of the table that's wild and raucous, with screaming laughter and a fella who plays 'Holiday for Strings' on water glasses.

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.