The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

I used everything you gave me.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.