I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least