Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.

Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.