Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.