Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'

Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.