Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.

Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.