Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood.

When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?

Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to you.

Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.