Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.