No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.