No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.