I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.

I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.

Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything.

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

[On her father's death:] I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much.