Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom and what time you would get home. ... I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover your friend was a creep. I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore and confess, 'I stole this.' ... But most of all I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.

Success is outliving your failures