Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.