To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Cats invented self-esteem.

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.