To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.