To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.

For some unexplained reason, it's always the other end of the table that's wild and raucous, with screaming laughter and a fella who plays 'Holiday for Strings' on water glasses.

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

I lost everything in the post-natal depression.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.