A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.