A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

Every puppy should have a boy.