My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma BombeckIt is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
Erma BombeckA grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
Erma BombeckThe family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
Erma Bombeck