As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"