A small waist makes you tire easily.

There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

When humor go's, there go's civilization.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.