Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything.

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her "before" picture.

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.