The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.