One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.

Many people are intimidated by doctors. ... People also feel stupid when they don't understand what a doctor's talking about the first time around, so they don't ask again. And let's be honest here, people. English is not a doctor's first language.

Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.