There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?