Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.