I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.
Erma BombeckEnter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
Erma BombeckWhen a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
Erma BombeckHouse guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
Erma Bombeck